All the things that are causing me stress right now:a list.
- My sister has moved back in. I can’t be myself around her because she is so judgemental. At the same time I’m worried for her because she just can’t cope with life and is having a bit of a breakdown. I think she has an eating disorder.
- My mum is under a lot of strain with my sister and potentially moving house/potentially getting an extension, and work. I’m trying to help as I can but usually I can show her when I feel shit. I feel like I can’t at the moment without adding to her stress.
- My dad and step mum have some issues that are bothering me. I feel like it’s not a healthy relationship and wonder of the effect on my brother.
- My brother has mental health difficulties and I’m scared for him.
- My brother is also being tested for a genetic heart condition that only affects men (so not me). I’m scared for him.
- My cousin is having a relapse with her OCD and eating disorder and is leaning on me for help a lot. I can’t turn her away. She says I’m the only person who understands.
- My friends aren’t actually that good friends really. Or they are good friends but not great people. I’m not sure. I’m feeling let down.
- I’m pretty sure one of my friends is hypo manic (or is it hyper manic?) from his antidepressants. He doesn’t seem to see an issue. I’m worried.
- I have money right now, but I’m terrified of losing it. A slight health improvement and I don’t know when to inform the benefits people. If I do, I might lose my entire income and my mum will struggle massively if I’m not paying her. If I don’t, I might get investigated for fraud for not being as sick as I told them. But I don’t know how long this good patch will last. I hate relying on the government for money. I wish I had a job.
- My brain fog is still being a shit. I’ve tried studying. I’m sooo behind and I have exams in two months. I should have done the work by now and be revising but I’m not even half way through. But I’ve tried reading the textbook and I don’t understand it. Hell I can hardly understand instructions on a microwave meal.
- My hands hurt. Not a big deal for someone with chronic illness but it feels different this time. Worse. More constant. I’m scared its arthritis and won’t get better. I’m scared I will have to stop playing guitar, ukulele and keyboard, and doing photography, and drawing and painting and sewing and clay modelling (I’ve already massively reduced doing all those things).
- I think the SIBO is back (again). I don’t want to take the medications again and be housebound if not bedbound for three weeks because of them.
- TMJ disorder is bad. It’s making it difficult to eat. It’s making it difficult to talk. I’ve been ignoring the pain and doing things anyway but god it’s frustrating.
- I have to decide whether to go to my cousins wedding in July. How am I supposed to know in advance if I’m well enough? He said he needs minimum 2 weeks notice if I don’t go(?!).
- My nausea has been constantly bad for weeks (even when I’m not taking codeine). I’m scared as to why. I get pain in my stomach every time I eat or drink. This is a new experience for me and I don’t know what to make of it.
- My skin feels like it’s on fire. Wearing clothes hurts.
- I’m worried that after my step dad moves back in, I’ll get sick again and have to move my bed into the lounge again and it will be a pain because he won’t walk through if I’m asleep (incase I’m not fully covered) and it’s the only way to the kitchen. I feel like it’s pressure to stay doing well.
- Restless leg syndrome in bad and affecting my already shit sleep.
- I’ve damaged my knee and struggling to fix it.
- One leg muscle is significantly bigger than my other leg.
- My skin is a mess from the stress and I keep picking at it.
- I self harmed recently and broke my year long streak of no self harm. I’m finding it difficult not to continue self harming.
- The rabbit is potentially dying. The vets are trying treatment but it’s not looking good. That rabbit helped me through some tough times.
- I’m cutting down smoking.
- My diet/healthy eating regime couldn’t be much worse.
- The neck pain that causes horrendous headaches is back.
- I feel like a bad friend and relative because I’ve been so caught up in my own stuff.
- Muscle memories of pain.
- My dog keeps having an upset stomach and I’m worried. I’m worried there’s something wrong but I’m also worried each time it happens if he’s been poisoned (poison killed a few dogs on a nearby field recently).
- All the stress is making my health worse.
And that’s not even getting onto a lot of the irrational worries going through my head.