Good and bad

Today has been a good day really. I saw A and he’s forgiven me, and we are giving things another shot (exclusive this time). But I have a lot to make up for, but I’m not quite sure how to do that. The only reference I have for ideas is tv and films where a guy buys a girl diamonds. I don’t think A will want diamonds somehow!

But health wise it’s not a great day. Pain level is at 7/10. Fatigue is at 6/10. Dissociation has lifted though so it’s not all bad. Im happy again. But I’m angry at myself still for letting things slip, to letting myself get so bad in the first place, and for everything that’s happened this week. A might have forgiven me but I’ve not forgiven myself yet.

I’m going to take some painkillers and lie in bed while doing some writing (poetry or short stories- I don’t have the brain power to deal with the mess that is my novel right now). Then I’ll get a good nights sleep. Tomorrows task is to sort out my finances and all the other things I’ve been letting slide and get some studying done. I have exams in two months!

My to do list is very overwhelming when I’m in this much pain, but I’ll get there eventually…

N xxx

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